Wow! It has been too long since I wrote anything about my life. So much has happened. I will begin with the fact that I have been going through some major changes in my life the last few years which has led me to a separation with my husband in our 10th year of marriage. I haven't moved out yet, but have an apartment setup for June 21. I am nervous but looking forward to finding my own happiness and self esteem. I know it is in there somewhere, I have realized that I have been living my life for other people since, OMG, forever. I missed out on my teenage years because I practically raised my sister. I then spent five years with a guy that treated me like shit, then back in with my mother that never let me be me to another relationship that broke my spirit. I had a child with that person but went from that relationship to the marriage I am in now. I have never been alone and I am almost forty years old. Just saying that creeps me out! I am married to the most awesome guy. I have just been so unhappy in my own life for so long that it made me unhappy in my marriage. He is the best father anyone could ever ask for their children which is why when he asked that I not take them away from him I agreed. If he was anything short of a fantastically awesome daddy, I wouldn't consider it. This way, they don't have to leave their home, their friends or school. My family doesn't approve but I have to make this work for all of us.
Meanwhile I have gotten in touch with a friend from high school that I have been talking to for months and have some kind of feelings for but he says he doesn't feel that way. It is kind of sad, not that I need to start another relationship and have that kind of confusion. We actually spend a lot of time together and are having a good time but who knows. He has been my escape from my life at home. He is always there for me when I need to talk or get away from it all.
On a good note, school is almost out and my kids are going into 7th, 4th and Kindergarten.
Well, nothing like putting my whole life out there. This is unusual for me but it helps I think.
Will update again soon.
2 comments:
you have me too and I hope that the future brings you peace, hope, freedom and the love you deserve! I love you too!!!!
HUGS!
Christy
There's something to be said for being on your own. It lets you discover a lot of things about yourself you might not otherwise - but it sounds like you're getting that figured out.
"Almost 40" is not 40, and regardless, it's never too late to start a new and happy life!
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